Attack Of the Mary Sues
by Mitsuy
Summary: Everyone returns to hogwarts again and find that there's been an over excess of Original characters shoved into the school. Parody of all the perfect Original Characters out there romancing your favorite HP characters. FIN
1. Arrival of Mary Sueism

**Attack of the Mary Sue's **

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter Characters. This fic was inspired a comic by GMonkey. Props to her!_

Ready for another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry, Ron and Hermione climbed out of their train compartment and starts heading towards the lake. Ron had been in a good mood all day and was looking forward to the usual lavish dinner awaiting them at the castle when he suddenly spotted something sparkly. Ron blinked. He didn't really believe what he was seeing. He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Sure enough, there it was again, sticking out of the crowd like a blast-ended screwt.

"Psst, hey guys!" whispered Ron to his two companions. "Did you see that new student there? I think she's another one of them."

"Yeah I saw her," replied Harry attempting to avert his gaze from the very distracting sight.

Hermione looked confused. "Another what?" she began, then turning her gaze and spotting the sparkling outline of a girl, said "oh…"

A little while later, after everyone had taken a seat at their designated tables, everyone gave their attention to Professor McGonagall, who had began sorting out the new first year students. "When I call you name," she announced to the awaiting students, " please come forward to be sorted. Anderson, Patr-"

"Wait Professor!" said a girl from the crowd. Everyone attention was instantly redirected to her and her sparkly-ness. "I think I'm suppose to be sorted first."

"And who, may I ask, are you?" asked Professor McGonagall

"My name is Serenity Moonlove," replied the girl, "but call me Mary Sue. I'm a transfer student from America, and I've decided to come attend this school even though I know more magic than well trained Aurors. I'm Harry's second cousin, Sirius's niece, Voldemort's daughter, Dumbledore's mother and Remus's sister-in-law all mixed up due to time traveling."

Professor McGonagall blinked and said in a flat and unamused voice, "That's nice, Miss Moonlove, now sit down on the sorting chair."

Serenity took a seat and put the sorting hat on top of her head, enveloping it in her sparkly glow. The hat shuddered and screamed "Glittercrock!"

"GLITTERCROCK?" started Serenity, "Don't you mean Gryffindor?

"We had to make a new house due to the over excess of new students," replied the Sorting Hat.

Serenity hopped off and walked over to a table with many other glowing girls there. She looked around and saw a cat-girl, vampire, several partly veelas girls, and many other overly pretty girls.

"Hi Serenity" said the cat-girl "Welcome to Glittercrock!"

"Thanks!" replied Serenity

The other girls quickly surrounded her and they all began chatting.

"Hey weren't your eyes violet, Serenity?"

"They change colors."

"Hey! Mine too!"

"And me!"

"Come join us in a slumber party, Serenity!"

"Yeah, we could groom your naturally highlighted hair Serenity!"

And so the conversation at Glittercrock continued on as so….

_Author's note: Sorry, I'm in an abusive mood of Mary Sues these days. They always spoil a good fanfic. (Mary Sues made up original characters that are better than everyone else in everyway and always seduces the author's favorite character or characters in a series such as Harry Potter, making many readers want to wretch and/ or stop reading in disgust.)_


	2. Draco and Harry at dinner

Attack of the Mary Sue

_Author's Note: Loads of Thanks to my Three Lovely Reviewers! And now, chapter 2_

After meeting and greeting several people at the Glittercrock Table, Serenity settled in the seat between a blonde and a cat girl and began conversing with them.

"My name is Katineen," introduced the cat girl between bites of fish. "And in case you're wondering, I am a cat person from the north."

"Ooo!" squealed Serenity, "Aren't they almost extinct?"

"Tragically yes," replied Katineen, trying to hide her hint of self-importance. "I am the last of my kind because of the prejudice against my people even though we are more magical than any wizard alive. A lot of people are mean to me, and I'm still hoping to find someone to stick up for me. Professor Snape's even made fun of my ears."

"Wow" said Serenity, "I'm glad I'm not a Slytherin"

After that statement, many of the girls chirped in in agreement.

"Snape's so slimy!"

"He's so ugly!"

"Slytherin's lame!"

This annoying, but sadly continuous chain of abuse towards the Slytherin House went on and on, until eventually, it was heard by Draco Malfoy, who called out, "Excuse me, couldn't help over hearing your chattering voices. Have you considered looking at the House Points before calling other houses lame?"

All heads at the Glittercrock table turned towards the four hourglasses with different colored points. Next to these was a yellow Post-It note with the words "Glittercrock: -250 points".

"What?" whispered Serenity, "How'd we lose so many points already? It's only the first night"

"Didn't you know?" sneered Malfoy. "House points are awarded by the readers of your Fan Fictions depending on how much they like you. Don't you think there's a reason they call you Glittercrock?"

And with that Malfoy chuckled, amused by his own jokes.

"That's just the sort of comment I'd expect from a stinky Slytherin!" hissed Serenity, her eyes glowing red.

This caused Malfoy to become even haughtier. "Is that the best you can do?" he jeered, "Perhaps someone else is using the House brain cell today, eh?" and strolled off to patrol some Hufflepuffs at the next table.

Serenity looked shocked and turned to her blonde neighbor. "What wasn't he dumbstruck by my witty and scathing remark?"

"I don't know," came the reply. "Everyone's been acting strange lately."

"What do you mean by Strange?" asked Serenity, her face now flustering.

"Well, you'd think, that given we're so amazingly pretty and perfect, the boys would all have pathetic little crushes on us so we could scorn them and make them beg out-of-characterly right?"

"Well… yes" said Serenity.

"Watch this" said the blondie and turned towards the Gryffindor table. "Hey Harry would you like to go out with me this Saturday?"

Harry turned away from Ron and Ginny and gave a most disgusted and bewildered look at the girl before saying, "Er… no thanks, I've got to…um…go feed myself to the Hungarian Horntail."

"See?" said Blondie, now looking exasperated

"Unreal!" cried Serenity.

Just then, Professor Dumbledore announced that all student were to return to their common rooms.

_Author's note: Haha, I just had to bash them some more. Harry Potter is a good enough story without having these narcotic characters inserted all over the place. Please Read and Review and I will put up chapter 3 if I get a total of 7 reviews._

_Ciao!_


	3. Highlights and a Fitting Ending

Attack of the Mary Sue

_Author's note: Thank you for the reviews. Here is the last chapter of the story, with some very deserving endings._

Katineen and Serenity followed their head of House, Professor Frootius-Tootius, to their common room in the high tower. Upon entering, they saw a crowd of older girls doing their make-up and beautifying themselves by unnatural means.

"Welcome Serenity!" greeted Professor Frootius-Tootius. "Come join our hair-highlighting party!'

Serenity looked shocked for a minute. "Doesn't everyone have natural highlights?" she asked.

Katineen sighed, "We use to, but lately everyone's hair is changing into a dull gray color."

"Oh," said Serenity awkwardly and hurried over to check the mirror "At least mine are still…." But she never got a chance to finish her sentence, for the reflection in the mirror displayed a Serenity with dull gray hair, the same color as a chair left in the attic for 20 years.

"AHHHHHH!"

The high falsetto scream rang out through the castle, shattering the glasses of some of the portraits. Serenity turned pale and rushed over to her comrades. "NONE OF THIS MAKES SENCE!" she screamed, newly overwhelmed by her discovery, "We should be the smartest, prettiest, cleverest and most perfect people in school! What's happening to us?"

The other girls muttered in agreement and continued to discuss this topic.

"I think I know," came the ominous voice of Professor Frootius-Tootius, "You can't all be the best student Hogwarts has ever seen. By definition, only one person can be the best, yet its in your natures to be more perfect than everyone else."

"So" summed up Katineen "you're saying if all of us have to be perfect, then none of us can?"

"Exactly," replied her head of house, "There can only be ONE!"

A gust of wind blows through the common room and a werewolf somewhere howls. In 30 seconds, the whole house was in chaos. Girls who were formerly friends were now tearing at each other's hairs. Spells and curses flew in all direction. Everything was knocked over and Serenity rushed to duck under a desk.

"DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME!" screamed a pink-haired girl, getting ready for the ultimate attack.

"You can't do that indoors!" screamed a terrified Katineen.

"Never mind that!" screamed an equally-frighted Serenity, "That's not even from Harry Potter!"

But it was too late. A dark dragon appeared out of nowhere and swallowed up the whole house, causing a huge explosion!

Meanwhile, Harry, Hermione and Ron were walking back from Hagrids hut. As they looked up in the sky, they saw, to their surprise, sparks and firework coming from the Glittercrock common room.

"Should we tell the headmaster?" questioned Hermione.

"Well, it's the right thing to do." Said Harry

They looked at one another, and then at Ron, and burst out laughing as they continued on their way back to Hogwarts.

_FIN_

_Author's note: I hope you have enjoyed "Attack of the Mary Sues" Please remember to read and review. Also, please check out my other fan fictions. Thank you._


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